I think sharing passion is great. Perhaps it isn't reasonable to expect unless you met through that passion, but simply 'entering your world', just a bit, is oh so important. What you guys did is amazing. You surely have a strong foundation in your relationship.
Unfortunately I just broke off an engagement to a lady who does event planning for a museum. When I met her almost 4 years ago she was working clothing retail on a hiatus from school. I encouraged her to finish her degree and to apply for internships before graduating. She didn't know what she wanted to do and the museum gig fell into her lap thru an acquaintance, but she loves art and consequently loves her job.
I went to most events she hosted over the period of a year she had the job and we were still together. I chatted up dozens of her co-workers, hung out dutifully, walked thru the exhibits with her as she explained them. I enjoyed it even though it wasn't my thing, it was fun to learn and I was proud of her.
During this period I went to two Startup Weekends. I asked her to come visit. Esp. the second one where my pitch was selected and I built a team of 7. I wanted her to see the final demonstration, to simply be there - for nothing else I was presenting in front of a crowd of 100 people and I was nervous. She would not come. She did "not like computers, that's your thing", paraphrasing. That was the major turning point...
It's not about learning to program, or to even take a passing interest or understanding. It's simply, "this is my life's work, please support me." I think if you can't get that out of a relationship that's a major red flag.
People are afraid of being placed in a situation that's totally alien to them. It's not as alien -- it's not as big a deal for you to go through an art gallery and chat up yuppies as it is for her to go through a convention center being gawked at by nerds.
After my girlfriend and I had been going out for six months or so -- this was five or six years ago -- I got her a laptop and a wacom pad. She was a painter -- she'd never touched photoshop, illustrator, corel or anything. I tried to teach her how to use them. She got so frustrated, at one point she held the laptop out a window and threatened to throw it down six stories. But she's amazing with it now -- she's actually one of the highest-paid, most in-demand freelance illustrator/designers I know. I knew she had the skill.
But to this day when I talk about getting her to sit down and see something of the code I write, she gets a look on her face that I know not to mess with. I'd love to walk her through what I do, but I know she understands as much as she needs to, and it's not compatible with the way she thinks. It doesn't do anything for her. That's alright.
My point? It's easier for us to go back into their world than it is for them to understand ours.
I'm with someone who isn't quite supporting me either. I'm glad you broke up with her. I mean that in the nicest way. The situation can't be maintained especially if you're being supportive but it isn't reciprocal. I started a company and my girlfriend cannot get on board because of everything that comes with it (long hours, sleepless nights, etc). She's told me to quit and "get a real job" (whatever that means... To her it means working for someone else) several times despite the fact that the business is a huge success, raking in twice as much as my previous job and ten times as much as our first 3 months in business. It's important you have a supportive partner. Lack of interest or support is very telling of where a relationship will eventually end up.
Thank you, I appreciate hearing that. It's been a difficult thing for my friends, and esp. my family to grasp. In many ways we were compatible, but I consider this crucial. Most are passively accepting now "well, as long as you're happy". Only my best friend who is around my age (I'm 35, he's 37), who also has never been married and has been an entrepreneur for the past decade truly understands.
As to your own situation, I get that long hours, lack of attention and whatnot are difficult to deal with... but it sounds like you've proven success in your endeavor. Seems like a bit of a double-bind. One thing I can say is, being single certainly simplifies things! I dated two girls briefly after we broke up but have now made the choice to not do that for awhile, the time I gained is precious and there's nothing wrong with being alone for awhile to capitalize on it. There are many women out there and there is nothing more attractive than a man fulfilling his purpose in life.
Unfortunately I just broke off an engagement to a lady who does event planning for a museum. When I met her almost 4 years ago she was working clothing retail on a hiatus from school. I encouraged her to finish her degree and to apply for internships before graduating. She didn't know what she wanted to do and the museum gig fell into her lap thru an acquaintance, but she loves art and consequently loves her job.
I went to most events she hosted over the period of a year she had the job and we were still together. I chatted up dozens of her co-workers, hung out dutifully, walked thru the exhibits with her as she explained them. I enjoyed it even though it wasn't my thing, it was fun to learn and I was proud of her.
During this period I went to two Startup Weekends. I asked her to come visit. Esp. the second one where my pitch was selected and I built a team of 7. I wanted her to see the final demonstration, to simply be there - for nothing else I was presenting in front of a crowd of 100 people and I was nervous. She would not come. She did "not like computers, that's your thing", paraphrasing. That was the major turning point...
It's not about learning to program, or to even take a passing interest or understanding. It's simply, "this is my life's work, please support me." I think if you can't get that out of a relationship that's a major red flag.